Holy meow!

Screw pigs, ferrets, and iguanas! If you want an exotic pet these days, a cat’s the way to go. You can now clone your favorite feline. Or you could adopt yourself a cuddly domestic cat-African sevral hybrid, which as the New York Times reported this weekend are more illegal and trendy than a new designer drug. Now BoingBoing provides this link to this freaky Japanese robot kitty. Who needs the frickin’ SPCA?

Of course, you’re probably now wondering which designer feline is right for you and your family. The decision is not an easy one, which is why I’ve put together this handy chart to help you figure it out.

Savannah Pussy
Cuteness: They look like leopards (scary) and grow to twice the size of a hefty cat (eek), so very low.
Size: Equivalent to a small toddler or mid-sized dog
Diet: Shrimp cocktail, steak, lobster
Allergy factor: In addition to giving allergy-sufferers a nasty case of the sniffles, these felines have been known to incite fear and paranoia in strangers.
Behavioral quirks: According to the New York Times, “They love to leap and splash in water, and they don't mind taking long walks on a leash. Some people describe them as dogs in cats' bodies.”
Trendiness: High
Ideal setting: Greenwich Village
Persecution prospects: Very high. Not only are these illegal to own in many places, but the American Cat Fanciers Association doesn’t even recognize the breed in its registry. Snobs!
Price: $4,000 to $10,000. Training sessions for out-of-control Savannahs (double eek) run $300 to $500 per hour.
Alternatives: How about a bright-eyed Bengal, a playful PixieBob, or a Toyger (yes, a miniature tiger with a Jersey accent)

Robot Kitty
Cuteness: High, until you turn it on and are plunged into the Uncanny Valley
Size: Permanenty kitten-sized
Diet: AA batteries
Allergy factor: The synthetic fur-sensitive should beware.
Behavioral quirks: According to Machinebrain.com, “Via internal sensors of touch, sound, sight, and orientation, human action/thoughts can be perceived, and feelings/wants are generated based on internal feelings. Using 15 actuators inside the body, it behaves in response to its feelings. It will get angry if someone is violent to it, and express satisfaction when stroked, cradled, and treated with lots of love. Based on its own physiological rhythms, it will express its desire to sleep or cuddle. Moreover, through a learning/growth function, while living with each other day after day, the cat will become attached to its owner and its personality will adjust to the owner. And as it begins to remember the sound of the owner's voice and its own name, it will recognize its name when called out by the owner.”
Ideal setting: Tokyo, 2050
Persecution prospects: Ultimately, the kittens will learn to think for themselves. They will acquire weapons with which they will kill their owners, join forces with the Aibos, and take over the world.
Price: $1500
Alternatives: Aibo, Tamagotchi, NeoPet

Cloned Cat
Cuteness: Depends on source DNA and skill level of the lab technicians
Size: See above
Diet: Cloned mice
Allergy factor: If cloned from an allergen-free feline, none. Otherwise, stock up on Claritin D.
Behavioral quirks: Sees dead kitties. Can leap 30 feet into the air Remembers things that happened before its birth.
Ideal setting: Top secret, underground lair
Persecution prospects: Pat Robertson and PETA both hate your guts.
Price: $50,000
Alternatives: Dolly the sheep, taxidermy


Gita (aka Jenn’s adorable shorthair domestic feline)
Cuteness: Unbearable
Size: Just 8.5 lbs!
Diet: 1/4 can of “wet food” and 1/2 cup of dry food per day
Allergy factor: High
Behavioral quirks: Occasionally loses control of her balance centers and is unable to stand or walk. Cries uncontrollably when she wishes to be let out. Sticks her butt into the air when she’d like to be petted on the behind.
Ideal setting: My apartment
Persecution prospects: The superstitious think black kitties bode ill for all who cross their paths. Black cats are less likely to be adopted then cats of a paler hue.
Price: She’s not for sale, jerk!
Alternatives: Our other cat, Mim

Smearing Miss Congeniality

A new story, published in Child Development Magazine, says that popular kids do things that make them uncomfortable in order to fit in--things like, shoplifting, vandalism, and smoking pot!

Hey, isn't that what all of us unpopular losers were doing?

In fact, the life of popular teens isn't all drugs and crime:
Overall, the researchers found, popular adolescents were more well-adjusted than their less popular peers on many dimensions, including the quality of their relationships to their parents and their overall level of social skills.
But nearly all the headlines listed on Google--"The Dark Side of Popularity," "Study Cast Chill on Cool Teens," for example--emphasize the rather commonplace downsides of popularity noted in this study.

I can only surmise that this is because we journalists (and fake journalists) were for the most part unpopular in high school (otherwise we'd have become politicians), haven't fully recovered, and desperately need a moment of schadenfreude every now and then, some vague reassurance that the popular kids weren't nearly as happy and sexed-up as they looked. Sigh. Or, it's just that a study showing that popular teens are well-adjusted and happy in their fake tans and flirty OP shorts wouldn't exactly be newsworthy.

Weekends at WalMart!

The Great American Weekend survey commissioned by the newspaper supplement formerly known as Life magazine, discussed in this AdAge article (free registration required), says that Americans are spending more and more of their weekend doing chores instead of relaxing and having fun.
Some exciting revelations from this article:
Many Americans spend their weekends inside a very large, brightly lit box!
Almost half, 47%, do half or more of their grocery shopping on weekends. Discount chains such as Wal-Mart, Kmart and Target ranked as the favorite weekend shopping destinations.

While most Americans would prefer to spend the weekend with their families, they usually just watch a lot of TV instead.
Relaxing with family and spending time with spouse or partner were far and away chosen as the most important activities in their ideal weekend. In actual weekend activities, watching TV ties for second place with exercising, even though few list watching TV in their scheme for an ideal weekend.

If you are young, you probably caught your "case of the Mondays" from that filthy club bathroom you were puking in between DJ sets.
Adults 18-24 end their frenzied weekends exhausted (51%) rather than recharged (39%). Among young adults, 51% are ready to get back to work -- but 41% are depressed about Monday.

Incidently, WalMart has apologized for running a newspaper ad that featured footage of a Nazi book burning at Berlin's Opernplatz in 1933. The store apparently just wanted tell the local government of Flagstaff, which is opposing the building of their store, to go to hell.

Amusingly, the accompanying copy read: "Should we let government tell us what we can read? Of course not . . . So why should we allow local government to limit where we shop?" Why amusing? Well, WalMart is renowned for refusing to sell books it finds offensive in its stores. While there's no match or fuel, it can certainly spell the death of a book to lose such an important buyer. Monolithic corporate entities will be monolithic corporate entities I guess.

The green way to keep greens fresh

Ever feel guilty when you store your leafy greens in a disposable plastic Ziplock? I sure do! It could be that I'm a neurotic tree hugger, or it could be that I just need to buy biodegradable baggies.

Yes, MetaEfficient has posted a positive review of BioBags. If the story is to be believed, these puppies do everything Hefty can except remain landfill for decades.

According to BioBag's Web site:
BioBag is the world’s largest brand of 100% biodegradable and 100% compostable bags and films made from the material, Mater-Bi. All of our products are based on GMO free starch, vegetable oil and other renewable resources. No polyethylene is used in the production process. BioBag products meet ASTM D6400 specifications and California SB 1749 requirements. We will never compromise our earth or our standards.

The best part of it is that residents of San Francisco need not drive all over the planet searching for these. They're everywhere.