Banana Boy Saves My Day!

Wow. So I'm sitting at my laptop and feeling sorry for myself because I'm writing an article on school bus safety for an education magazine read by superintendents. And while I have nothing against school buses or safety or GPS tracking devices or service journalism or my wonderful, wonderful friend/editor at the publication in question, the whole thing is feeling about as sexy as hammer in the leg. I became a writer for the martinis and the Algonquin Table shenanigans, not the children god damnit!

With a heavy sigh, I type the name of the school district into Google.com and await my results. I click Next. Next. Next. Next. Next.

Wait a minute. Did I read that right? Banana Boy arrested?

I click and soon find myself watching a local news video about a fictional cable access superhero from upstate New York named Banana Boy, who was arrested while filming a knife-fight. The headline reads: "Banana Boy Finds Himself in a Pickle." The newscasters do not contain their glee; they gigglingly declare it a case of "good fruit gone bad." Footage shows 20-year-old Chris Phelps in full banana regalia doing karate chops in the snow. His peel is much-soiled from scuffle with the arresting officers, but his spirit unbroken. Phelps tells news cameras of his fruity, heroic alterego: "He's supposed to protect and serve and that's what he's going to try to do." I watch it again.

If this is not enough to improve my mood, via Fark.com I find a photo gallery of Banana Boy's arrest, including mug shot in full banana costume.

Well, Banana Boy is now facing charges for disorderly conduct and I, one hour later, must return to the dry business of school buses, which are coincidentally the same shade of yellow with black accents as Banana Boy's costume. But now instead of a lowly freelance reporter on assignment, I am a tearful Lois Lane, bidding adieu as my caped, potassium-rich hero soars off, I hope, to save someone else from the doldrums of the day.

[LINK to newscast LINK to photo gallery, including mug shot]